Why Am I Doubting?

Stockholm Syndrome is defined as a condition in which a person begins to develop a psychological bond with their captor. 

This phenomena was coined after a bank robbery in Stockholm, Sweden, in August of 1973. The hostages were held captive for more than 130 hours. What took place during that isolated captivity was something so odd. The hostages forged a bond with their captor. They were reluctant to leave their isolation even though this feeling was against every thread of normality. 

There is a strange connection between this phenomena and what is happening in our world right now. Even though we are designed by God to live in community and unity with one another, there’s a sneaky captor at work in our midst that isolates us. It is invisible and largely untraceable. Its captivity length lasts anywhere from a few days to a few weeks or better. 

I’ve met this invisible captor twice, just recently being released from its grip for the second time. I didn’t forge a bond with this captor. The bond was forged with isolation and the protection it seemingly brings when you are captive.

The paradox is that we can be cautious, donning Clorox wipes and hand sanitizer like armor, yet the possibility of meeting this captor looms. 

There’s an undeniable excitement and praise lifted that healing has taken hold and the physical body is beginning to function at a quasi-normal level. At the same time, there’s a record scratch moment of nag. It’s a dichotomy of desire for normalcy and an underlying uncertainty or fear of returning to it because the captor isn’t disappearing bearing the need to isolate again. An exhaustive continued cycle. It’s still out there nagging. 

I think Peter may have identified. On the boat in the waves a considerable distance from land in the dead of night he sees Jesus coming toward him walking on water. They thought it was a ghost. Terror ensued. 

Peter needed some proof. 

Matthew 14:28, “Lord, if it’s you,” Peter replied, “tell me to come to you on the water.” (NIV) 

Peter got out of the boat and began walking on water toward Jesus. I can’t imagine that feeling. Looking at the Savior. Walking toward Him. Trusting Him each step unswervingly. But then the wind came. That dichotomy crept in. All the questions and doubts of the circumstance. Peter began to sink and cried out to Jesus, “Lord, save me!” (Matthew 14:30). 

I love that the very first word of the very next verse is immediately. Immediately Jesus caught Him. There wasn’t an attitude of letting Peter struggle a little to learn his lesson. Jesus saved him and asked him why he doubted. 

I could ask myself the same question. Why am I doubting? Why the nagging dichotomy? It’s comforting to know that I’m not alone in this. Long before this present captor entered the picture, invisible captors have always loomed. 

Stepping out in faith in the middle of waves of doubt and potential fears is risky. What if we falter? What about the captors? 

Jesus said in Mathew 14:31, “Why did you doubt?” 

The Rescuer is near.