There Is Value in the Struggle

My body felt like lead, but I crammed my feet into my sneakers and willed myself out the door. I enjoyed a brisk walk around one of my favorite trails… partly because I’ve been trying to cultivate better self-care habits and partly because I woofed down a double scoop of my Baskin Robbins favorites last night.

Halfway around the trail I felt droplets falling on my arm. The sunbeams ahead of me radiated like lightsabers. Droplets peppered the sidewalk. Rain? Looking up, I saw a gray cloud right above me responsible for this sprinkling amidst the jubilant rays. I sped up as if I could somehow outrun this tiny doldrum cloud and walk happily ever after in the sunshine.

Some days, that’s exactly what life is for me. While I’ve made strides, the onset of the pandemic catapulted struggles with anxiety into orbit for me. The dark cloud looms, emitting drops of anxious thoughts and tendencies all over and around me. I try to avert it, get to the sunshine, but the cloud is just intermittently there. Hovering. Nagging.

It can lead me down pathways of thought that are not true, good, excellent or praiseworthy. The problem being that those pathways are well-worn trenches at this point. To exit a trench, you have to climb your way out at the risk of slipping and ending up right where you started.

What to do about this quandary? How can healing begin to quench these bones that thirst desperately for the relinquishing of this stronghold?

Psalm 63:1, “God, you are my God; I eagerly seek you. I thirst for you; my body faints for you in a land that is dry, desolate, and without water.” (CSB)

Talk about it.

On my walk, I had the opportunity to talk through this struggle with a friend. When I began to peel back the onion layers in conversation, I realized (I already knew, but there’s power in bringing it to light with a confidant) that this struggle has been present for some time. Like a tiny faucet drip. It goes virtually unnoticed until it gets bigger. She reminded me of a great truth. There’s value in talking through the struggle with someone who will be your Aaron and Hur (Exodus 17:10-13). The enemy wants us to stay quiet so that he can continue to work and weave webs of lies in darkness. While talking about our struggles places us in a position of vulnerability, when we are honest about our condition, the Lord can use those relationships to bring healing.

Live as who we are created to be not as who we think or wish or compare ourselves to try to be.

This can be a hard truth for me to embody. I find myself periodically teetering on the edge of the if-then trap of life.

If _______________, then I would be happy.

When that mindset ensues, it threatens to rob me of the joy of my unique design. Self-confidence has never been an area of strength. What I’m learning is that my priority needs to be bolstering God-confidence. Speaking His truths over myself over and over again.

Ephesians 2:10, “God has made us what we are. In Christ Jesus, God made us new people so that we would do good works. God had planned in advance those good works for us. He had planned for us to live our lives doing them.” (ICB)

What is God going to do in our lives through the struggle we are facing?

How is God going to use them for His ultimate glory?

Are we paying attention to what He is doing through them?

What are we doing to actively glorify Him in the middle of the wreckage?

He’s always working… always.

Seeking help is not a sign of failure.

In reference to seeking help for mental health situations, I recently heard a prominent biblical scholar refer to an old adage when asked about this topic. A man is on top of the roof during a flood waiting to be rescued. A boat comes by to save him, and he turns them away saying that the Lord will save him. A helicopter comes by to save him, and he turns them away saying that the Lord will save him. The moral of the scholar’s reference was that spiritual surefootedness is key, but the Lord sends modes of help to us during trials in a myriad of ways. We just need to be open to seeing and receiving them.

I don’t know what the coming days look like as each of us battle our respective struggles. Better self-care. Stepping out of the facade of perfection and into the light of conversation with a trusted friend. Exploring other avenues of help be it holistic or medicinal.

I do know that I’m thankful that I don’t walk alone. He doesn’t look on my woes with disgust, rather with an outstretched, nail-scarred hand reminding me to cling to His grip tightly. One day, complete healing and restoration will reign by His design. In the meantime, there’s value in the struggle.