Sometimes Our Hearts Need a Remodel
Sometimes our hearts need a remodel. Stripped down to the studs by the allowance of the Holy Spirit’s presence to invade the little closets we build inside. You know. The ones we keep closed, hidden from view. It’s our little secret. The incessant worry about what others may think of me is a hidden closet of mine. Despite my efforts to clean it out through prayer and lock the door forever, it remains. Until one beautiful Saturday morning.
Saturdays are somewhat sacred to me. I try to keep an open schedule. It usually entails a few loads of laundry after a slow stream of coffee intake. The grocery run. Straightening of the house. Or, in full disclosure, staying in our pajamas until noon. My daughter was invited to a birthday party this particular Saturday morning and had been looking forward to it all week.
The birthday party was held at her friend’s home. Hosting a party at your home requires a level of vulnerability. It’s opening your space. The space that you abide in with the people that you hold most dear. And all of your stuff. I sat down and began visiting with other moms, and my daughter settled in to the theme of the party, making stuffed animals.
In talking to her friend’s mom, she mentioned she had been studying hard for her Medical Board license renewal test and had done just enough spiffying in the house to get by for the party. I looked around. No room for what people might think of any imperfection. Only room for the beauty of what mattered.
In that moment, I identified the lie that allows that hidden closet in my heart to continue to occupy tenant space. The lie that having things in order and well pieced together in my life will cover up the pain of what lies beneath the surface layer. How futile are the lies of an unguarded heart.
“Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.” Proverbs 4:23 (NIV)
I looked around that room. Both sets of grandparents laughed together, full of life and joy in the sharing of another birthday with the jewels of their elder years- their grandchildren. Sweet friends shared laughter with ice cream smeared faces emitting sheer enjoyment of the moment.
Life is full of twists and turns. I have buried past hurts so far down in a fox hole that the line of their reality seems blurred. Trial free living is a myth. But we know this, right? Just like the facade of perfection. Life begins when the facade is torn.
My heart needed a remodel. My little closet didn’t magically disappear. The door is still there. But I’m striving for a non vacancy sign. A life lived in pursuit of what matters most in fellowship with one another. A life lived in His fullness.